((((5887)))) That is really sad. I am so sorry. You mentioned your "kids come first"... I think I must have misunderstood what you meant because IMHO if that were the case, you never would have gone after someone else in the first place, non?

Please find a good T or P ASAP and start working on yourself. You cannot - and will not - be any good to anyone if you are struggling like this. And you will continue to make the same mistakes over and over at others' expense.

Best wishes. Keep posting. We are here for you!