I met the most amazing guy, or so I thought and we had an amazing connection. Our relationship was fairly new but things had been going great, we had great chemistry, great fun together and we intuitively understood each other. He was honest from the start telling me he was bi polar and was on meds for schizophrenia as well. It didn't bother me.

For weeks he had been planning to spend a particular day together hiking, we were going to do all these adventurous things that day and he kept telling me how excited he was about it. Well, the day came and everything was fine as we drove, he was sweet and affectionate as per usual until we got to the location and he decided to get high on marijuana.

As soon as the pot set in he started to act distant and paranoid. He kept saying we had "bad energy between us" and it made me really uncomfortable. Then out of no where he started to freak out and say he couldn't be in a relationship with anyone, he had sex with someone else, he was destined to be alone, he doesn't want to get married and is afraid to have kids etc. All of this came unprovoked. It was all so weird because it came out of the blue, I had never insinuated any of that because we had only been dating for over a month.

It seemed as though he was looking for any and every excuse in the book to break up with me, changing his reasons every 5 minutes. Then he started to act like he regretted what he said and asked if I could forget everything and just start over. He then offered to take me to lunch. Within 10 minutes he had changed his mind again and said he just needed alone time, because he had only been out of rehab for a few months. He started saying he's going to miss me a lot, it's hard because he really likes me as a person, he finds me attractive, I "get him" and I'm the best he's ever had in bed.

It was all so much insanity/contradiction to process within a short period it left me baffled. I had never experienced this side of him even though he warned me that he has issues and relies on his meds just to function. This only happened less than 24 hours ago and we haven't spoken since. I am a bit in shock and I don't know if he took his meds, or if he would have done this to me if he hadn't gotten high. He also said he couldn't be with me because of our religious backgrounds and couldn't see a future with me. I asked him why he didn't tell me sooner because he had actually talked about a future with me many times when things were good. He said he did see a future with me before but suddenly didn't.

This is the first time I've dealt with a person with a mental illness so I did not know what to expect, but somehow I feel awful because I'm taking everything he said to heart. I can't help but take it personal even though he kept reassuring me it's him, not me. I wonder if he will change his mind and come back? Or if I will just have to live with the fact he is gone forever. Either way it's killing me, as I do have feelings for him still and I didn't see it coming. It's triggering my depression and I don't know what to do