When I got there, she was coming out to her car because she thought maybe she had left her keys in there or something, so we walked back in together and she goes, I'd give you a hug if it weren't against the rules ... so I said, and I'd give you a hug if it weren't against your rules, too! Anyway, actually getting a hug wasn't the thing that was so hugely important to me, but that she said that mean a lot to me, meant that she was happy to see me and that there was some small thought of care/fondness in her heart/mind toward me.

She gave me an hour and 20 minutes ... and apparently, she doesn't plan on charging me for it either - I thought about asking at the first, but then it felt awkward, so I said nothing and figured she was the professional and could make whichever choice she wanted regarding that!
And I said at the end, so where do we go from here ... do I just not call you anymore? But she said, oh no, let me know how you're doing. I want to know how things go for you .....

We had a very interesting, varied, thought-provoking, honest, intellectually stimulating conversation. Like I've said before, intellectually she rocks ... kind of on the same spiritual/philosophical wavelength. And since that sort of stuff gets all tied up in my issues/personality/emotional life, it's all relevant, I guess - though sometimes I have felt like I'm talking to a professor/mentor rather than a T .... talking to someone who views me as an equal, as her intellectual/spiritual equal. That has been something that has helped me tremendously with some of my negative core beliefs about myself though - that someone of T's caliber would see me that way, as skilled, wise, able, a strong person with a strong personality .... very validating and nurturing.

We talked a lot about my H and his behavior and words and emotional patterns. She said, he may or may not be an a-hole .... sometimes he acts like one! She said that he may have valid points/concerns but he packages them in a very unsavory way, because he doesn't seem to know better - she said, it really is pretty simple, the way he could present it differently, in a more appropriate, healthy way, and that surely he could learn to do it! She also said his behavior does make sense to her (in that she gets where it comes from and why - as do I ... it's primarily insecurity, jealousy, which gets presented in a manipulative, controlling, demanding, accusatory way) but she wished very much he wouldn't do/say those things.

I don't think she sees it as I am being abused per se (and I know this won't go over well with a lot of you ... and rest assured, I DO see that point/concern, and shared that with her ....) But she did say, do not let yourself be/put yourself under his domination. You are his equal! She used her hands as a demonstration - putting the two at an even level, saying this is how I should try to keep it, and not like this, with one hand under the other. - That I can accept that he has strong feelings about some things and respect that, but not compromise myself emotionally .... maintain my emotional equilibrium by also not being reactive to him in situations like that, but responsive. She was happy/proud that I have been able to re-direct myself when I find myself simply reacting or falling into the old 'I am bad, shameful, of low character' self-condemning mindset .... and sorry that the way H acts makes it so dang challenging to keep from falling into the old pattern.

She advised that we had better go back to our marriage counselor so that she could help H see his patterns clearer and get a better idea of how to use coping skills ... that he has some poor ones, and some basically good ideas of coping skills which he implements poorly.

We talked a lot about my faith/spirituality evolution too - something that H is also not pleased with, as he sees me moving away from what he thought I was spiritually, and away from some of the doctrinal teachings/interpretations/expectations of my (nondenominational) church faith. He thinks I am losing faith, I think I am growing in faith, because I am seeing things in a more expansive, open light and I feel like it has enhanced my spiritual understanding rather leaving it where it (and I) felt limited.
I won't go into details, but that was my favorite part of the conversation, because we got really deep.

I also got to see my former social worker today too, who did give me a hug and said the next time we are in town to give her a call and we'll go out for coffee or something. So .... I have made a friend from the time I spent here getting over my 'crazy time'. Actually, I feel like I made really good, healing connections here in my hometown, connections I needed to help me re-connect to life, to a better life, to a new emotional life, to a more real life and a more authentic ME. So I am thankful ... and thankful those are enduring, real connections, even the one with T .... because even though the boundaries are drawn so that she will not be a friend, she is still a phone call away, within reach, but also within reach inside of me, too.