It's weird. Holidays and anything of that nature puts me in a crappy mood. I'm depressed all year but for some odd reason, special occasions like this make me feel even worse. Being depressed makes you focuse on the negative and I have several times. On my 18th birthday I made it a point that my life would change from that point on. It hasn't....not very much. I'm still, a unemployed, high school drop-out, with no friends and a sh*tload of problems. My birthday is on thursday and I really don't want to feel that way. It's supposed to be a "happy" birthday. I decided that I dont want to feel sorry for myself. I do it year-round and I don't want to spend my birthday that way. I want to focus on more positive things, like maybe working towards my dream job, and taking evening classes or something. I want to focus on thinking of ways to make my life better than what it is. I know that one day, I can be happy, truly happy, and that my future could be better than I could even imagine. I believe that because if I don't, I'm afraid that I might just lay down and die. So this year, despite the sh*tload of problems and major depression, i want to try to make this a "happy" birthday.