Tina, I REALLY get that feeling of wanting so badly to take too many pills. I do it more than I should too. (because I shouldn't do it at ALL)

I'm noticing now that it comes in waves...I have this feeling of "I'm going to go take a bunch of klonopin" and then I wait for it to pass, because it does, ALWAYS. I think I read we can only crave something for something like 3 to 6 minutes. And then it comes back and I ride it out and it passes. And eventually, even though it seems impossible that I'll ever get to this point, I realize I've moved on for now.

Today, I REALLY wanted to drink (I'm in AA - can't drink). There is alcohol in my house. I was PLANNING on drinking, actually. But I kept waiting for the wave to pass and then I got out of the house to go watch the transit of Venus with my boys at a planetarium near here, and by the time I got home, the feeling passed. I took one klonopin, and I'm okay.

I think sometimes it just feels like our feelings are bigger than our ability to cope and we have to do SOMETHING to change how we feel. But that something doesn't have to be self-destructive. We can post here, go outside under the sky, breathe.

It gets better.

Thinking of you