The flashbacks I have been experiencing lately have been pretty major. The kind where I can't breathe, I have to get out of the house, and I feel like I am having a heart attack kind. This past week something different has been happening. I have been having a hard time believing that the specific memories of what happened are really true. I don't know if I am consciously or unconsciously trying to forget things or what. But it's really affecting me. What happened and that it happened isn't remotely in question because there is an arrest record, and my sister also experienced what I did at the same time, etc. And yet, last night as I was sobbing on the back porch, I found myself in disbelief that those things that I have been remembering actually happened. I told my husband that I think I'm going crazy and it couldn't have happened like I had remembered, that I wasn't sure I could possibly be remembering right. I found myself really wanting him to say it didn't happen. But then I also didn't want to feel like I was going insane, so I asked him to call my sister and ask if it really happened how I remember. I was feeling so uncertain about those memories. He gently shushed me as he comforted me and said it definitely happened how I remember and that he didn't need to call my sister because everyone remembers when it happened and the story of what happened is consistent and has been for fifteen+ years. Why am I struggling with this? It's like I don't want to believe it any more and I just want to be able to mentally deny it even happened. I swear I'd be willing to voluntarily forget it all in a moment if I could...

No real question here. I just know many of you have been down this road and understand. And sometimes just knowing someone else understands helps. <3