it just comes to mind that i don't do much thinking about my illness, which is schizoaffective disorder. in fact i don't support any sort of interpretation of what i go through. i believe it to be empty, meaningless, and just a facet of my existence that is best left ignored. i've seen first hand what intensive analysis can do and how empty that turns out to be.

what i go through is not special, it's more of a malfunction. i don't believe in taking any advice without a grain of salt, and advice to me is only worthwhile when it pertains to what i'm going through in an immediate sense. lingering over "how can i become a more loving person?" or "how do i overcome my illness?", "how do i become this or that?" is just a way to frustrate yourself. attempting to create a new you is a game that leads nowhere. the only thing that matters is action. the only thing that matters is learning on the fly. running things over in your mind leads nowhere, and doesn't prepare us any better for when life actually goes down, hits the fan, hurts us, teaches us, finds us.

I'm not against deep or critical thinking, but i don't see the point of associating it with mental illnesses. i believe there is nothing to figure out. there is nothing to examine. it's just empty. that everything rich in life simply happens to us, and we've got to do our best to seize that moment. anything outside the moment is just stuff that doesn't prepare us for anything. i believe our illnesses have taken us away from life, and made us obsessed.

i suggest stop worrying about labels, symptoms, and mental illness altogether. find your person again. i suggest doing it by ignoring or stopping caring about any of it. i say it's all empty, that thought is our enemy, and we need to get back to what matters and that is dealing with life as it's thrown at you, in the moment, and get away from discussing mental illness, thinking about, trying to solve anything. there's nothing to solve. we have to move on.