He treated you poorly before his texting "friendship" and he treats you the same way now, after it is over. There are big underlying problems that have nothing to do with this dalliance with the "friend." Why does he treat you like crap? It seems to me there can be no saving this relationship unless you and he fix the basics like communication and respect. It sounds like he checked out of your relationship long ago and he has no intention of trying to improve things. He's hung up on the "friendship" and thinks apologizing for this is all it takes? It takes him trying to relate better to you, conversing, not ignoring you, giving you the time of day, saying more than two words. He doesn't get it. Sure there are two people in every relationship, and there are probably things you could have done differently too, but you sound willing to change and try counseling. He is not. He was done with this relationship long ago. It reminds me of my own marriage, now over. I am divorced and so glad not to have that constant pain of living with someone who couldn't be bothered to treat me as if I were human.

I also recommend the books by Patricia Evans. I honestly did not know how bad my marriage was until I read one of her books. I remember there was some kind of checklist in the book about how to know if there was any chance for your marriage to be repaired. My marriage failed every one of those questions. It was long dead. Very hard to read that stuff. The book was an eye opener for me.

All that aside, what is odd is that now that I am divorced, my XH and I actually get along very well. We have two children and have shared custody and we communicate well about matters that concern our children, we sit together at school events, etc. Seems like a miracle considering how bad the marriage was. Our divorce went great with no power struggles and bitter backstabbing. We may not have had a good marriage, but we had a good divorce. Guess we finally did something right.

Good for you for digging up your plants, by the way.

Can I ask why you want to leave your home and not him?