I blame a way-too-high dose of Effexor, mostly, for my complete lack of motivation with... well in life in general really, lol, but that includes college. I was able to stay around b/w a 3.2-3.3 cumulative GPA for 3 years (including summer -- 5 credits of chemistry in 6 weeks! YUCK!) Worked my *** off for a B- (and a B for the 1-credit lab.) But still, the following year (after summer 2010)...I managed to finish around a 3.2 by last summer. That was after a fall semester of panic attacks and a poor appetite, and a spring semester that I had to get through with basically a nonfunctioning right arm/hand from March to late May...even though I was told later in March I'd probably need surgery, I had to try 6 weeks of PT first (I gave up after like 3 weeks, b/c it wasn't helping at all lol)...never got the surgery, my hand decided to spontaneously resolve 3 months later. after the semester was over....

Last fall, I was having even more issues with waking up at normal times and having any motivation to get anything done. Either because I switched to vyvanse from concerta the previous year (killed my appetite), because of the CBT I started in april for panic disorder/phobias, or both...I was becoming more and more lethargic and apathetic, would have to freak out at the last minute to get the momementum to get anything done (which usually meant waiting til the last minute, then something would screw up, like my laptop, at the last minute), or, often I'd just not care at all and stay in bed instead of finishing/turning in an assignment/going to class. I went to doctors a few times about all the issues I've had, they didn't help much..
Took 13 credits in the fall, failed 7, got credit for the other 6. knocked my overl GPA down from a 3.2 to a 2.63. After 3 years always above 3.0! Not a single F in those 3 yeears either. Guess all that effort was useless.
Problem is, this was my 4th year, if it weren't for the fact I've had so many transfer credits to take as my first school really had no equivalent requirements...I could've graduated after last semester. But now I haven't even been able to do any undergrad research assistant stuff for credit, b/c 9/10 of the profs want a 3.0+ GPA, many of those are actually a 3.5 or 3.7+. And yet I've been aiming this whole time for grad school...a doctoral program. a research-based one. Not sure how that's going to happen now! Not with a 2-whatever GPA, no experience, internships, etc...But it's the only thing I'm passionate about! I just don't have the motivation to actually GET there, b/c it seems like an impossible hurdle at this point, and I feel like that's aiming too high, that everyone who's always telling me I'm smart should never have said anything because then I got this crazy idea in my head that I'm actually not as dumb as bricks!

It seems the only way would be to somehow get retroactive changes to my record, which in turn means I'd have to find a doctor who doesn't keep running the same tests over and over with the same normal results, making me just look crazy in the end!
(I'm pretty sure this is an adrenal issue...or an adrenal/cortisol/too much serotonin/too low dopamine issue...but no doctors have even mentioned that so far, or even recommended a specialist for it to me, or anything!)
I don't know where to go from here, other than the Funny Farm!