I'm so very sorry for your distress and understand completely. What helps me keep the panic down is reeling my mind in and focusing only on today. I only have to get through today, I'm safe today, my husband loves me today. I've also found that when I project I'm always wrong, nothing turns out the way I thought it would. Take slow, deep breaths from your stomach. I have a mantra: "feelings aren't facts" -- just because I'm paranoid or angry does not mean I have a reason to be. You're right to put your focus on finding the right therapist, that's the only important thing right now. You'll come out of this fine and there's no way you'll loose the hard work you've put into recovery. It's also a good idea to post here, on a forum where others can offer support.

God bless!