When I get like this I toss everything everyone has told me and think about what I WANT to do not what THEY think I SHOULD do.

Shoulds are ok for some people but not everyone. For example when I had a broken foot I had the DHS case worker pushing me with her "you should be able to make it to this meeting just fine other people with broken bones have no problem attending meetings with their broken bones. DHS does not have transportation funds other than the bus and you already have that. no I will not pay for a taxi you should be exercizing anyway with all that fat on you so you can walk from the bus stop to the meeting"

Normally I would have agreed with her but there I was on doctors orders to stay off my foot. A week before this conversation she had stopped my authorization for a bus pass through DHS and the nearest bus stop from where my child and I were recieving family therapy in another town was a half hour walk walking distance. Being in crutches and medal foot casting that walking distance took me an hour to do. So how was I supposed to follow doctors orders and the case workers oders and also be at family therapy in another town on time?

I could not please them all. So I threw everything out. I did some research and found out that DHS DID have other transportation funds for their clients use. So I used some of my budget set aside for food and used that for the taxi that I knew I needed. I would be no good to my child if I did not attend that meeting and I would not be any good for my child and myself if my foot didnt heal. When I paid the taxi I got a reciept. I submitted the reciept and a detailed budget of my income and bills to the caseworkers supervisor. The caseworker was royally PO'ed because I went by taxi and went above her head. But the end result was her supervisor authorized a food voucher AND authorized the use of the taxi until my medical transportation application went through.

When my child was home anddistroying property and harming me I had The caseworker telling me to step up and be the parent set rules, but yet when I did she thought those rules were too strict even though my childs therapist ok'ed them. I had the police telling me that parents can spank their children with three slaps on a clothed butt with an open hand and that I really should find a different therapeutic school for my child because the plan my child and I had to go by was unreasonable, and I had the therapeutic school telling me don't stop my childs bad behavior put him in time out and if he is acting out don't physically stop him not even to grab his hands to prevent myself from getting punched hit and so on. I was to let him do his bad behaviors and I was to get away and lock myself in my bedroom or bathroom until his temper tantrums ended. In this situation I could not please them all. I eventually reaized this and started protecting myself by not allowing my child to hurt me. Instead when I recognized he was starting to wind up I dialed my therapist voicemail and let him talk on it as long as he wanted to.

Basically you have to decide what is right for you and then do that. All the shoulds and have to's are great advice but when they conflict it results in disaster. So in those cases go with your gut not the should's and have to's.