giveinandcry,

I feel so similar, my circumstances are different, of course. But I feel burdened, heavy, and I am alone.
I want so badly to love again and be loved, to have someone to talk to, who could be here with me. I feel so alone. But I know in my heart, that I will never allow someone in, I cannot allow someone to love me, and I can't risk falling in love. That's a long story, too long to tell, maybe ever.
But I can sympathize with you.
The mental anguish we put ourselves through, so often feels too much to endure.
Good luck with your future.
I hope your life brings you good changes, try to remember, life is allways changing.

Burnt