Everything you're saying reminds me of my issue. It isn't my mood necessarily. I can handle depression. I can handle mania. Been there, done that. It's the memory loss, the inability to focus, the inability to read, being all over the place all the time... I hear you.

My question is this, the feeling flat yet feeling like exploding. That sounds like a possible mixed state to me. I have mixed states more than anything else it seems. I'm not manic, I'm not depressed. I am depressed. I am manic. I'm going to explode, but I'm not. I feel like if one straw falls on this camel's back, then mushroom cloud...