Good thread...

I had to remove my Father from life support about 2 years ago. Until my 20's my memories of him were normal childhood bonding moments..trips to the zoo, trick or treating on Halloween with me on his shoulders..He was in the Air Force, and he used to bring home the neatest surprises when he flew overseas..then something happened at age 6-7 that my mom divorced him...I lost the memory of what had happened until I was 21..then after a Traumatic event it came back..

Anyway..I got a call from an Aunt that the Red Cross was trying to get a hold of me, my father who I had not seen in almost 38 years had suffered a stroke, I am going to make a very grueling and long story short..by just stating it was the most heart wrenching and confusing time for me and is what brought me into therapy.

I dont understand, and feel so conflicted around this time..most of my childhood I was hoping he would come and rescue me and my sisters from our abusive stepfather, then to come to terms with the memory of why my mother divorced him, and then to be contacted out of the blue that he was dying and on life support..I could not face him in death, and had the physician removed him from the machines, no one else in our family wanted anything to do with it, the hospital was calling me every couple of days telling me the torture his body was going thru and that no one deserved to die like this..so all I asked was for a clergyman to be present because no one..NO ONE..deserves to die alone..

Well, Dad, this ones for you..

I miss you, I love you, but I dont understand why...