I'm not exactly sure what is wrong with me or if there is something wrong with me, but let me try to explain as honestly as I can. I am a 22 year old male with a respectable job, many friends, and in general my living condition and money situation should not be causing any problems.

All of the time I feel apathetic as if the whole world is pointless. I don't find interest in anything except for women. This has been normal life for me for a while now. I can't even remember the last time i felt truly happy. But at the same time I don't feel sad either. I just feel tired. I find myself saying to myself that I can't wait until I can finally just rest.

I do not think of committing suicide because even though I feel nihilistic, others don't. I don't want to cause anyone any type of pain. And to a certain degree I don't want to be seen as weak.

Sometimes I have very high energy though and feel like being with people. I wouldn't consider it to the extreme as someone with mania, but i would say others think I am slightly eccentric. I have many friends and have been told that I am popular among everyone.

Sometimes I suspect that I may be putting on a false front with this elated state, but I don't even know. I am very inconsistent with my thoughts even in my own head. It's as if I am constantly changing my mind and changing who I am as I go. I have NO clear sense of my self whatsoever. I have no values that I seem to follow, although I can recognize "good" values in other people.

Other people tend to think of me as a good person, but in truth I feel like an asshole to people. I don't even know if this is some sort of defense mechanism (act like i'm an asshole so people stay away) or not because I am so detached from my emotions in general.

Sometimes I question my sanity. I usually determine that because I am not hearing voices or killing people that I must be sane, but I usually still wonder if I'm near the edge. Sometimes my thoughts race. Sometimes I will also feel an anxiety like something is about to go wrong, but I can never identify what the actual root of the problem is. The questioning of my sanity becomes more frequent with this anxiety, but is not an effect of it.

I cannot cry even if I try. lately I've been able to force tears from my eyes, but it doesn't have the same "feel better" effect I remember as a kid.

At the time I am writing this, I am feeling as though I am in "normal mode": I feel no sadness or happiness or anxiety and my mind is calm and I feel as though I am stable. I promise this is not attention seeking. I don't want anyone to comfort me. I just want to know if these symptoms fall into any category of mental disorder. I will answer questions if it will help.

Thank you.