I don't know what happened to you, but I do understand doubting memories about traumatic events that have happened in our lives. When I told my therapist about a particular incident, I later went back and told her that I thought I made it up. I told her that I may have added more things to it than really happened.

She talked with me about this and said that when things happen to us as a child, we remember them as a child would. In other words, if my abuser was 30ish years old and I was only 10, I would see him as "an old man". In reality, he wasn't. I may have said that he tried to 'touch me' in certain areas and did certain sexual acts, when he may have done most of what I said, but the other part I may have assumed happened because as an adult, I understand what (sex) is about.

I know this sounds really confusing, but it made sense when she was talking to me about it. Like you, I know that it happened, because the police were called. There is no doubt that he did what he did. It happened on two occassions, and I told my mother each time. The first time I thought I had 'dreamed' it. I didn't understand what he had done, because as a child, I couldn't comprehend it at all.

I cannot even begin to relate to your pain because it sounds like what happened to you is far worse than what happened to me. I wish there was more that I could say to help. I probably didn't help one bit with anything I have said, but I wanted you to know that I read your post. Your pain is evident in what you have written.

I am glad that you are seeking out the help and guidance from a therapist. It has helped me tremendously.