i did find out what i did wrong ... i've had a few episodes of cutting myself un-related to EMDR and due to that i'm to unstable even though i did it 4 times, nothing major and have control over it. I'm done with them for the moment i'll have more look sorting myself than speaking in a group of strangers. Thanks guys this will be a support for a while. Plus a kick in the shins wouldn't go a miss.