Thanks for this thread EJ.
I'd like mine to be a letter to my father.

Hey Dad,

I've had 12 years to think of you. I've thought of your gambling addiction and how it nearly ruined us when I was 13 years old and you had your first massive heart attack-5 days in intensive care, two more weeks in the hospital, without insurance to pay the astronomical medical bills. Mom's humilitation in having to use food stamps-- then her anger especially at anything that had to do with you.

I didn't really get to know you-- you were so busy working 6 days a week and then using the money you made to gamble, I knew even if you didn't leave the house, you were still gambling...... I heard you on the phone with the "bookies".

I do wonder why you spent all your time working or doing "other" things and not with your kids. I used to wish you would come to just one teacher conference, or listen to me when I'd had a bad day.......... Why did you trust him and leave me there?............. When I started dating, where was the guidance I needed to help me in standing up for myself?......... Why couldn't I lean on you in such rough times as a young adult?

I realize now, you had your reasons....... found out your childhood was tough and sad for you, I guess you didn't know any better.

I dreamt of you just after you passed. Mind you, I'm not a spiritual person in the religious sense.... so this dream-- being different from how I think --has really stuck with me all these years.

You were standing there on a hill that was covered with tall flowing grass. A close family friend was with you (he'd passed 10 years before). "How are you doing mandy?" you asked. I started to answer and then the family friend said he had to go. You looked so sad.... I stopped talking and asked, "where is he going?" in which you replied, "he's going beyond". You actually had a tear in your eye-- something I had never seen! You stated how so very lonely you were. I said to you, "well, go with him" and your reply "I can't, I haven't mastered the answers to my wrongs yet."........ then, I started to float away. I told you goodbye and to try hard and maybe you could "go beyond" too someday.

I wonder now, 12 years later...... did you "go beyond"?