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Originally Posted by farmergirl
I actually completely understand what Chopin's T is saying about the choice and commitment of love. She is not talking about it being tedious or weighing us down. She's talking about more of a promise and deep dedication to someone. I come from a deeply bonded and supportive family, not just immediate family, but extended family as well. That kind of love is not just about feeling. It is about a dedication to others. It is about following through and living the love we have for each other. We have chosen to not just "feel" our love, but out of that love to choose willingly and consciously to behave in ways that are demonstrative of our loving dedication and commitment to each other. That is not a chore or tedious. I would say it is an obligation, but why is that a bad thing? I am absolutely obligated to my husband and my children and my parents because I love them. I consider that an honor. I don't see that as "reducing" love, but rather, elevating it to a kind of sacred trust. Like you said, this is a matter of philosophical differences or viewpoints. We all look at things from different perspectives based on our own backgrounds.
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Thank you for explaining that so well, Chris. Love is so much more than feelings. My T's commitment and dedication over the past 11 years taught me how to give and receive love from others. If he had relied on his feelings in our relationship, he would have given up on me long ago, because I was very difficult and challenging at times and he certainly did not always feel very loving toward me! But because of his commitment, and his refusal to give up on me even when I fully expected him to, I have grown tremendously and our therapy relationship is solid and I know he cares as much for me as I care for him. And finally, for the first time in my life I have wonderful, caring friends and a safe, loving relationship with a new partner now -- a man who also understands that love is so much more than feelings. Although my kids gave and continue to give me great joy, they are all young adults now, and I was lacking the reciprocal love and joy of close friendships and especially the love of a partner. But now, because of my T's dedication and commitment, I am experiencing both, and I am truly happy for the first time in my life.