I completely understand u! I went through some traumatic things when I was younger and sometimes I sit thee and wonder if it really happened. It is so unreal, so terrible that i wonder if maybe it was just a terrible nightmare, and it seemed so real. unfortunately I know for a fact it is all true, and tying to convince myself it isn't didnt really help. We would all take away the bad, our past, the terrible memorie...I know I would! But life isn't like that. BUT you can talk about it, go to therapy, share your story.Sometimes that makes me feel n\much better just to get it off my chest. I am sorry you are going through this, it is very difficult, and I hope it gets better for all of us.