I am discouraged about medication. I also know that I really probably shouldn't be. But I am. And I don't know what to do about it. See, the thing is, I need medication for psychosis. So I have been trying to find an antipsychotic that will help me. I have only taken one so far - Risperdal - and I've waited 39 days to see if it will work. I'm tired of waiting. It's not helping. At least, I don't notice any difference anyways.

I am beginning to think that nothing will work - and that's the weird part. It's not like I've burned through a bunch of antipsychotics. But for some reason I'm feeling very pessimistic about this whole medication thing. Starting to think nothing will work, medication is all just a scam, a way for drug companies to make more money, etc. I don't want to feel this way. I want to believe that something will help me, but I don't.

I suspect that part of this is because of my lousy therapist that I currently have (getting a new one). I keep telling her that the medication is not working and that I would like to try another one. She keeps telling me that it is. She tells me to just be patient and quit being so negative. I'm not trying to be negative! I'm telling you the truth! I don't notice a difference when I take Risperdal as opposed to when I'm not taking it! Thankfully I started lactating while one it, so now I have to come off it. But if it weren't for that, I'm afraid that I'd still be left with no other medication to try. WTF?! So, yeah, I kinda think she's part of the reason why I think it's all just a ****ing scam.

So, can anyone out there give me some hope? Cause I could really use some right now. I really do want to believe that the medication can help me. I don't expect it to make my life perfect, I just expect it to make it more bearable. Can it do that?