EJ - thanks for all of your replies and support! I know that you understand... thanks. Especially about the driving off the road part... lots of people really wouldn't get that, but you clearly do. My H is not really 'depressed' these days, per se, but either he's teetering on the brink or I am just hypersensitive to his signs. Probably the latter. My T has said several times that I was traumatized by my H's past depression, so I keep reacting as if it's going to be a replay. It's not necessarily so... it's not necessarily so... (keep repeating to self).

Screaming into a pillow... no, can't say that I have. I live in the city, remember? My neighbors would call the cops instantly.

I know that it's not my family's business - and I tell them as much. But it doesn't mean that I am immune to their worry (which to me feels like harassment and nagging, although I know that their heart is in the right place). In our shoes, we also suffer a stigma of depression -- it's not just the depressed that get it -- the spouses/SOs get it too. It's not easy to deal with. I can't tell you how many times it has been insinuated, usually by coworkers or people who don't know us well, that I'm his sugarmomma, or I'm an enabler because I don't "make" him get his act together (as if...), or that I must be secretly enjoying the position of power over him to let our relationship be so financially unbalanced. Oh how I enjoy hearing that stuff... NOT.

Well anyway, an update: H went to T yesterday by himself. He is supposed to have a formal proposal written by Tuesday, outlining what he would like to do and what he is asking from me. The key here is ASK -- my T is awesome and she is really driving home that it is NOT okay for him to just unilaterally decide that looking for a job is too much pressure. If he wants to take it slowly, it needs to be a joint decision since I'm the one who has to carry the load in the meantime. It is SUCH a relief to have someone go to bat for me -- when I do it for myself, it turns into a big fight no matter how gently or compassionately I try to explain it. He is naturally feeling very defensive -- I don't blame him -- but he doesn't handle his defensive feelings well -- even with her -- but having an objective 3rd party helps him see that I'm not being harsh and unreasonable.

Anyway, we'll see what happens. Going to bed soon. Thanks again everyone