Wow, sister; you're a survivor.

I too was sexually abused, as a young adult.

It's no doubt you have PTSD. Have you ever sought professional help? A good psychologist could help you sort out all the confusing memories you have.

You seem to have figured out the symbols in your dreams, but it would be good to run them by a therapist.

On a personal note, I too once had disturbing dreams. I couldn't afford a doctor, so I smoked a few puffs of marijuana an hour or so before bed every night. I stopped dreaming for as long as I smoked. After getting therapy for that phase of my life, I cut back to just social smoking. I don't have those dreams anymore.

Best of luck to you. Be safe.

Terri