i keep thinking about all the things people my age are probably doing. having fun with others...

hm..im almost 22. ive spent my 21st year of my life not doing anything. its gonna be over soon and theres nothing to show to say, "hey i did ____ when I was 21"
from my birthday month all the way back to it now...

...nothing. i have nothing...
21 is a milestone to me. and i have nothing.

welll.aaccordding to when my bday month is i can say i spent my 21st year of life mostly in a psychotic episode. my bday month is august and it started in..hm..yep august. about 95% of this past year of my life in a psychosis. it was bad too. SHTF when when my dad almost died in september. it built and i almost went to jail in february in a delusional psychosis. then the hospital in march..the next month. then almost again in april because i had no meds and i was afraid they were going to come put me in anyway. they actually almost did a few days later. they came looking for me when the bed they saved for me at the local psych ward was still empty hours later. i never went. i dodged that bullet by evading numerous phone calls that kept ringing my phone from the county mental health clinic.

im on meds but im still not ok.
its like im taking placebos. nothings working. i dont think i am though.