As far as counseling (which both of you have suggested), I think I might try that if I can't get a grasp on this. I appreciate that you read this and answered. Thank you both. I wanted to say that first just so that you didn't have to sift through the rest of this post before you saw it.
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i sense your life lacks passion. are you doing something for a living that you really enjoy or is it just a job? you have a passion for women but you don't seem to be dating anyone. why not? what are your life goals? what are you working towards? if you don't have goals, your life will lack purpose.
i think it's normal for men to have a hard time crying, even if they are sad. you seem to be a little out of touch with your emotions and feel nothing a lot of the time. what was your childhood like? were your parents warm and nuturing or cold?
i think you may have no clear sense of self because you have not done a lot with your life (yet).
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What I do for a living does just feel like a job to me. It's like autopilot. I used to enjoy it even when I was in a worse position though. The reason I am not dating is because I can't seem to find anyone who i actually care about. I definitely go looking and have had a few dates actually in the past month, but for me it seems as if I don't really feel anything for the poor girls. I recognize that the only reason I am interested in girls is to satisfy my sex drive. And i actually feel guilty when I let my sex drive get ahead of me and I take advantage. But sometimes it's just like autopilot and it feels like playing the field is the easiest thing to do.
I know I have goals. My next goal is to get me a new car. All I have to do is save up for two months and then get a small loan and I should be good to go. The problem is when I attain my goals I get no "feel good" out of it. Again, it feels like I'm just on autopilot. This happened upon my graduation from the school I recently attended, upon my promotion I got 3 months ago, and several times with monetary/fitness goals. It feels like I just do things because I should, almost as if whatever is keeping me going is an external source. I won't lie, I do not have a clear idea of what I actually want from life.
As for my childhood, my parents were sometimes very warm, and sometimes not so much. I had no personal space from my little brother and didn't get out much because I wasn't allowed to for reasons I still don't understand. This led to me to have few friends growing up and I didn't start making friends until high school.
Now I have many friends. Sort of. I am very popular where I am at and almost everyone knows my name. It wouldn't be hard for me to find something to do at any given moment. but especially lately I feel withdrawn from everyone and I have to put up a fake friendly front when I talk to people. in all actuality I feel annoyed by these people but I don't have the heart to tell them to get out of my face when at one point in time I actually cared what they had to say (which is why everyone seems to like me so well)
As far as not having done much with my life yet, I have to disagree. I've been all over the country, learned how to sail, studied in one of the hardest programs in the nation (and passed), met and talked to countless people, been bar hopping and partying, been responsible, cared for people and been cared about, been skydiving, and more. Compared to anyone else I ever went to high school with, my life has more variety to it by far. I guess the main problem is I look at all these things I've done but don't care. It's as if my "person" makes its mind up about something and I just watch what happens. It doesn't even feel like I'm working even when my work load is rough.
-- As a side note, the only times I feel attached to what is going on around me is when I'm with high energy as I described before. During these times I express narcissistic tendencies and actually feel a love for my self and pride for the things I've accomplished. But this is definitely not how I feel at all times.
Thanks again.