Hi, I'm Rue. I'm 18, from Canada.
I suffer from severe symptoms related to bi-polar depression.
At least that's what I've been told, over, and over again..
(By certified psychiatrists and counsellors)
Yet, nobody has treated me for it.
I didn't want to be treated, in fact, when they told me I was bi-polar,
I denied it again and again. I know that if I am bi-polar..
I will be like this forever. I don't want to be like this.
I just want to be the old me, before I had a kid and went insane.
I gave her up for adoption, maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was
the post-partum, but many members in my family suffer from mental illnesses.
(This was over two years ago)
My doctors refuse to treat me for it, maybe because I never told them
that I've had psychiatrists and counsellors tell me what they thought.
Too afraid to use the word "bi-polar"- like, if I don't say it, I don't have it.
They just don't get it, when I try to understand..
I've been to evaluations, I've seen counsellors, but when it comes to the actual M.D... they can't tell me what's wrong, they say, they can't help me.
Every single time, again and again.
They don't know why I'm even there.
I just need to be able to cope with this.
I am not coping very well.
I think that being medicated, or at least identified as bi-polar,
might help me deal with it. But pretending it's not there isn't doing anything for me. I just can't handle all the highs and lows that are totally disproportional to every day situations- the paranoia and anxiety- the irrational things I do when I'm like that... I'm afraid I could hurt myself.
I've already alienated everybody around me.
I just need help. I don't know what to do.
Relationships.. are a disaster.
I can't tell any friends or family, there's a stigma, don't you know?
And I won't be taken seriously. It happens every time I bring it up..
Anyway, I digress.
Does anybody have any advice or tips?