Change can do that to anyone...esp being in a country you don't know the language. Your English is great. I'm glad you have the dog, and a very good husband. I have been in a similar situation the past 3 years. I'm home now which helped, but my husband woks a lot, and I'm often alone. He has back problems and is always lashing out. They have cut down his meds so that makes it worse. I can't wait until this job is over for him, and myself. In a couple of weeks I'm going to go out patient at a center for my drinking and the fact that I'm out of control with it. I've numbed myself with his job and having five kids just so I can deal with them. There are things I used to think about doing to myself, that I don't do anymore as much. And it's hard when your husband is the only thing you have, and he's gone all the time. I'm glad you found here...It'll help you. Myabe you can get some books in your language....write or call home. If you're new to this disorder....you could read the book, "Get me out of hete!" It's a pretty good book so far. Hugs to you and I hope things get better. What country are you living in now, and where did you come from?