I'm sorry ThisIsMe0557. That sounds really hard. I don't like who I am either and I feel like I mess things up too much.
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after hearing how "messed up" I am on a daily basis I'm starting to believe it
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A common tip I see is to have a good "support network" to help you. It looks like the people around you are having a negative impact on you. I'm not saying you should avoid them but rather that you should have some positive influences. This website is a good place for that as is a therapist and certain friends (if you are lucky enough to have such friends). Posting here is a good start.