@vortex: you know what is so weird for me, the 1st thing i think about when i wake up in the morning is cutting, nothing else. i think too, morning is really bad for me as well. As much as I hate going to work and my job, it actually gives me something to get my mind off of it for 8 hours or so. For me, the hiding and lying about it part is harder for me than anything else. i want so badly to be able to walk around(at home) without hiding it, but, I cant. everyday i wonder why i do this, and I'm so sick of trying to find answers, but, i so badly want to find the answers(if that makes any sense). thank you so much for yours and everyone's support. i too am new here and a 1st timer with forums and chats, so still trying to figure things out. I'm so glad a place like this exists, because most of the time, I just need a place where i don't feel so abnormal, like i feel in my real life compared to everyone else.