Oh dear, SpiritRunner, my heart goes out to you. Love does not have, as its source, anger and fear. I am not saying he doesn't love you, I am just saying that your interpretation of his lousy behavior as being evidence of his deep love for you, is a little messed up.

I don't doubt that he loves you deeply. But you let him off the hook when you excuse his intrusive, controlling behavior as the product of that love. He can both love you and be attempting to control you, to stop you from getting the support that you need, to express what you need to express, to change in the way that you need to.

I just don't think that husbands controlling wives makes for a healthy marriage for either person. I grew up in a family like this and it has taken me years and years and years to undo my desire to control my spouse and children. I'm still not perfect at it. But I've realized that they can't really flourish under my control, it is like a straightjacket.