LMo,

I think you are doing things so well. I hope with all my heart that things work out for both of you.

When you stated about being traumatized by your husband's passed depression-- that is very understandable. I'm sure it's been so hard. Though, I agree with you saying to yourself--- this time -- "it's not necessarily so.... it's not necessarily so".
My husband lost a job(got fired) a few years ago and I couldn't get him off the couch... his depression was debilitating. That's when our boys were very small and it was just weeks before Christmas. SO's depression can and does affect the whole family. I really understand.

I hope my previous post on this thread didn't seem like I was saying "suck it up" and get on with things. That's not what I meant at all. I was trying to say that there's only so much one can do when it comes to the actions of others in our lives. We can't make them do the things we wish they would do--, they must see the value of doing it themselves. I was also trying to say that it's not all up to you (you shouldn't have to have the whole burden-- that's way too much for anyone)--- some of the responsibility should go to him--- which is, by your last post - what you and the T. are doing. It sounds like you have a great T. , that really makes a difference I'm sure. I'm glad for you that you have her. (sorry I'm not very good at expressing what I mean )

It also makes it hard when others in one's 3-D life don't understand and aren't supportive in a helping way. I wish people were more informed about mental struggles and could understand. I guess it's hard for some to know, if they have never experienced similar.

I really hope your H. can see beyond and reach for the future. If it's the same for him as it is for me, when I'm low (which I've been for a long time now) I struggle to see past the next minute let alone the next day or week. He's so fortunate to have you there and also in having a great T. I'm hoping things get better for you guys.

Thinking of you