I have a lot of retrospective knowledge of my history of trying to bond with a man. Without going into that long history, just saying I have reached a point of "peace" by abstaining from intentionally meeting and dating the opposite sex. My age is a factor, of course, but I wish I had arrived at this point much sooner. Sounding bitter?...I am not. I applaud anyone who has a longterm or even short term love interest. The perspective I've gained, however, helps me realize how dysfunctional I have been...ALL my life...in terms of relationships with men. When I occasionally ponder the prospect of that...now...it makes me anxious. And realizing that anxiety has been a factor in all of the previous relationships in which I dared to venture, I abstain, and remain at peace.
When I first adopted this mindset of abstaining, I admit I grieved, and for a substantial period of time. Now, I celebrate my freedom, my own space in which I no longer have to accommodate another's presence. Sounds selfish, I know. I have several female friends who are long time married, and I'm appalled at what they put up with! Not saying there aren't happy couples out there, just that I don't know of any. I know of no relationship I would want to emulate.

I've already rattled on too much. Just wondering if anyone else feels this, or to the contrary. Responses welcome!
Patty