Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
Thank you gretta, youre always such a big help. I havent discussed my concerns with t about the contradictions but did mention the fuzzy feeling when i was in there. I had to write out the date on a paper and was pretty convinced it was may the 7th when i was trying tovfill out the paper, but it didnt sound right. So i asked him "its may right?" He says "i dont know, what day is it?" And i said may 7th right? I thought it was. My head was so fuzzy and i get really confused or lack of memory or something when that happens. So when i saw him looking at me funny after i put in the date, i explained the fuzzy thing. According to him, he believes that some of my parts are co con and have been listening in on the appointments, but who knows? I went on to tell him (this was at the end of the session in about to walk out the door, and as always i accidentally kept him 30 minutes after our scheduled time) i told him about the times that i feel like im being pulled away and in that time, it gets hard to talk or remember or say anything at all so he Says "dont get too complex on me just yet" what the heck? I brought that up with my general practitioner and he was confused by it as well. But the fuzzy head t thinks is in relation to my other parts. And he could be right. I always get headaches before and after my appointments with him, than about 5 minutes into the session and the fuzzy part kicks in. But the headache goes away. Once im out of the office, the fuzz goes away. Although i do get it other times as well (like right now) but in the fuzz, its so hard to remember certain things, and i even say things i normally wouldnt, than i have a very vague memory of it, unless its something that concerns or confuses me. Idk whats going on.
I only know of one part that has a name, becky. There may or may not be others but is it possivle to have parts with no names? And how do they get their names? I only know about becky because of my family, often though, i just dont feel like i have a name, my own given name sounds so foreign when people call me that. So how do parts get a name? I think my t thinks im a paet and not the host... but dont prts have names? He says im the front man(woman) that is out most of the time because people like me. Then went on to tell me about a 300 pound old patient of his who thought he was 12, and his body was really 30. He compared that mans 12 yer old part to me. How do i know if im a host or a part and does it really matter?
I do want to get better so instead of denying, im trying to learn. I fight with all my might to stay out and not let others come out, but i know to heal they have to be heard. So im trying to learn to hopefully build trust and a better understanding within
|
yes it is possible to have parts that have no names. According to my treatment providers I had many less formed parts that had no names.. they were bits of feelings example the one I call "Red" in my posting here had no name. I call that one Red here on PC because I would literally see the color red, in anger before I would become that part. that one never actually had a name and my therapist and I did not believe in naming the un named alters for fear of causing my system of alters into creating false alters. I put a name on that one here on PC just for posting so that everyone is clear on which alter Im talking about. here in NY where I live and work less formed alters are called "fragments" meaning bits and pieces of memories, bits and pieces of feelings/emotions, ...
AT the moment I dont remember ever feeling like I was being "pulled away" before I was integrated, but I do now that I am integrated get the feeling of pulling away, getting pulled away, and also fading out(this one happened both before integration and after as did. sinking down, or back,these others also happen now that Im integrated.) my treatment providers calls my feeling like this ..Depersonalization. a reaction to my anxiety. Im on medication and that seems to help a bit with my anxiety so that I dont get pulled away, fade out, sink down ...
I cant remember if you are on anxiety meds but if not maybe its something to consider trying to see if it helps.
host vs part does it matter... sometimes it does and sometimes it doesnt. for me it did because it helped my treatment providers to understand which ones (my parts) were reacting/doing because that was their purpose/job and which one was the person that was in therapy. kind of like when two separate people enter a medical doctors office the doctor needs to know which one of the two is there for the treatment and the other is there to supply moral support, a hand to hold, help them cope. my treatment providers needed that distinction between me and my alters in order to best help me gain control over my problems. Most of the time for me I had no problem telling which was me and which were my parts. I was the one born to this body, I was the one that dissociated when my problems got too hard to handle. my alters were not born to this body, they came into being because I could not handle the trauma I went through.
I know though it it hard for some to differentiate between their self and their alters.. when I encounter this type of situation my suggestion is always the same...give it time, as things become clearer and through therapy and healing it will become clear which is the alter and which is the host.
I had a few treatment providers that didnt believe in the diagnostic label, in those cases we didnt work on trying to get them to understand and all that stress and aggravation, we just thought ok they have a right to their own opinions, that doesnt change the fact that I have this symptom and that one so lets work from the point of view of helping me with my symptoms. for me thats all that really mattered if therapy and my psychiatrist could help me to feel less anxious, more in control, teach me how to not fade out by teaching me how to ground myself hey Im all for not working on the diagnostic label and working instead on my symptoms.. and for me it worked. for me getting, having, or needing the label didnt matter, taking care of my symptoms mattered.