Hello guys, I'm new to this, I've never reached out to anyone on the internet about my depression. To be honest I've dealt with it on my own since I was 8 years old. I'm 20 now, I go to a big university and people who know me would never guess this about me. I think I'm a good person, at least I try to be, which is why I don't understand why I feel so bad all the time, Last year I joined a sorority and I developed anxiety and I felt like I couldnt connect with anyone.I quit for many reasons that went beyond this but I cant help but wonder if I'll always feel like an outsider. My anxiety has gotten worse, yesterday I had my first panic attack and I was by myself, begging my boyfriend to call me. But somehow he made me feel so much worse about myself. I couldnt breathe and I had a pain in my chest. I thought about suicide and pictured myself in different scenarios. I just feel so trapped in myself, in my relationship, in my situation. I sound so pathetic and I just dont know what to do anymore, I'm sorry is all I keep saying, I just don't want to be alone.