Drugs and heavy drinking for me always were an escape- escape from reality- Escape from what is real, what was going on what had happened to me in my past-- unfortunately by me doing this I have set myself back in so many ways of healing for the pain that I had from my childhood.

Even at one point I am sure that I could say-- I was trying to run away from my own self of what I had became. that is hard to take, but it is partially truth and it is what does help with staying more on the sober side than the not so.

A part of me also with the usage was running away form my own emotions--- and hopeful of erasing memories-- such a silly wish at the time I do realize. memories are good, and they are what helps with who we are.

Drug with me as well was-- well overdosing-- always did to much, always was on the hope end of just dying but did not-- that does get me to think some days on - perhaps I do have a purpose here.. perhaps I don't but just made it through... (I am not religious so it is hard to see the purpose but some times it crosses my mind).

with me there was a lot-- but that is some of it.

thanks for this Madisgram