Falves15 cocaine was a hard thing for me to give up-- I some times wish that I would had went to rehab rather than the multiple tries on my own, with adding other drugs, and failing till just a fall out and wanted to move on.. I don;t have much advice due to I still struggle with a lot of things today, i think with you having a realization that it is destroying your life- is a big step. I think with you realizing that it is making you feel worse is a big step too....
Next step is change- which can be awfully hard on your own-- i had a really good friend at the time that is now my S/O that helped me out-- and still does to this day....

I think you should find a support group in real life that you can talk to others with your issues here, and that can give you validation and give you some skills- weather that be NA, a Therapist, or a general group that talks about these things-- something that will fit with you...

Cocaine for me was a wonderful but yet so damaging escape to numb out my emotions, a true escape to just be numb--- I want to say if you relate to me on this that emotions are good- and I am having to learn that in such a hard way, along with other things from my own past and perhaps chemically "wrong" in my brain- the drugs that i did over years did not help, and have lead with the help to other issues as well.... It is a long road, but with every day it is better to know that in ways I can be strong instead of escaping when something seems to be falling apart or I can't seem to handle; that i either go do something, or maybe even have issues but I don't go back and do the hard drugs for escaping... sort of like facing myself- which is hard.

I am not sure if any of this relates to you but I do wish you well and i hope you the best-