My son just finished his first year of college, and, in fact, is doing an internship this summer. I am pleased with him because this internship is really a great thing to do, since it might help him get a job later! At any rate, he has some thoughts to share with you. Here he is:

Hey! As my mom said, I just finished my first year of college and am doing an internship. The first thing I would suggest is that you find ways to spend more time away from home since your mother and loneliness seem to be your biggest sources of stress. Since your mother isn't supportive, you need to find ways to justify spending more time at campus: tell her that you need to stay later in school for group projects, to meet with professors during office hours, or perform research in the library. In any case, make it sound like something largely beyond your control.

Situations that are beyond your control happen to everyone, but you can't let yourself become paralyzed by concerns. I haven't gotten my financial aid package for the coming year and if they cut my funding it would be difficult or impossible for me to attend. However, there's nothing I can do about it at the moment--if it happens, I'll have to cross that bridge when I cross it and I'll be best prepared if I focus on the moment now.

Since it sounds like you don't have a large friend group right now, see about some clubs or other groups you could join that are relevant to your interest and/or studies. See if you can find other commuter students from your area. While you need to do well in college (avoid C's and below as much as possible), you don't need a 4.0 to get a job or even to go to graduate school. Frankly, employers are more concerned with seeing good academic performance and relevant experience, whether that's work, volunteer service, or an internship--and all of those can be used to form friendships. How are you doing in school?

Having more people to talk to means that you won't have to rely on your mother for emotional support and advice and will give you an avenue to vent. Make sure you don't view clubs and friendships as mere distractions from your studies that you feel guilty about, but as an integral part of your emotional well-being and a positive effort in gaining employment through networking.

I attend a school with a significant international population--since your mother doesn't speak much English, I'm assuming she's from a different culture. In many other countries, academic performance is everything--here, it isn't. You need to do well, but relevant experience is the most important thing and I think the best advice is to follow your passions and then worrying about tying those skills and experience to a later job (rather than trying to pad your resume with positions you don't enjoy). She's not going to understand this, so it's not worth arguing with her about. At the same time, you might make it a little easier on yourself by carefully selecting classes you know you can do well in as you complete your degree.

In terms of your current internship, I would continue with it if I were you. Sometimes my internship is a little lonely since I'm the only intern and so is studying--you just can't make either your life. I have a full-time internship and weekend commitments, but I still go out of my way to schedule lunch with other people around my age and to get out in the town a bit, even if it's only walking around the mall.

Well, that's my son's advice. I agree that you CAN do well in school and also have some friends. I know many people who do so. I was a college professor for many years. You certainly don't need to be a party person! There are many clubs and organizations that don't emphasize drinking and partying. And just because students live on campus doesn't mean they will become failures. I certainly enjoyed living on campus (and I wasn't a party person.)

It's unfortunate that your mother is so fearful, but I can understand that she is scared, given that she worries that she wouldn't be able to support herself if something happened to your dad. Please try not to let her fears become your fears, however. We know it's possible that your dad could die like your friend's dad did, but unlikely.

I see my son is suggesting that you not always tell your mother what you are actually doing. I can understand that, however, given that you (and) he are now actually grown-ups.

We are assuming that you are from an Asian or South Asian culture or from the Middle East. Or at least not from a family of Americans who have lived here for at least several generations.

Sorry for the long response! My son will be here through Sunday afternoon, and I am here every day, if you'd like to talk to us some more. We hope we have been helpful!