Quote:
Originally Posted by pbutton
He was saying it because we're being forced to terminate because I'm being booted from community mental health. He can't act like we're ending because I am better.
I do feel like an idiot for flinging the paper though. 
Are you excited that they said that to you? I get tired of people telling me how strong I am. I already know that. It's actually part of my problem. |
O so it was a forced "you're strong, so you'll be okay". Type of deal. Yea I'd fling paper too. I'm a paper flinger too... don't worry.
I've always had people sort of baby me, nobody ever calls me strong unless they want to make me feel good. Like nobody expects me to be strong, even when I am. I have a really "sad story" behind me. So every body always gives me that dying kitten look and I needed someone, anyone to tell me I was a survivor, other then myself. I hate it when people look at me like they want to cry or something. My therapist now, she doesn't do that. I love her for that. There's being told your "strong". And then there's being told you're a survivor. No pity, No shame, No silence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by notablackbarbie
That IS scary and overwhelming. Especially because no matter the number of bad moments (what/how ever they are) that step was at least familiar. We're used to just "things being that way". And then in T we hear about "being stuck" and "comfort zone" and "need courage to confront challenge; dont just wallow in hopelessness and have the past (people/places/particulars) control you"... Maybe our T's are on the same wavelength of "you're more than the sum of parts and labels and any diagnosis' that could be put on you. You DO have a lot of potential". Still, thats just -  WOAH and  ...... Sorry if im projecting, and thinking about how i got similar feedback today, and am just numb & confused & terrified, and could be hijacking your thread and making a big mess, but....i can relate to the fear and uncertainty about positive feedback too. Like "Aanndd..." or "what am i supposed to do with what youve said" or "Now what  "
....Yea that was a lot....so ima provide some of these -  - take the rest of my junk and **** i have strewn around cluttering up this space and go..... Again im sorry for the mess and do hope you still get a lot of great support as you progress... |
Don't worry about hijacking my thread. I don't get offended if people can get stuff out of my thread too. I know some people do get a little weird about that, so I understand you not stepping on people's toes, but I'm not one of those people.
And I totally understand. I am freaking out too. Like people have told me this stuff before. If people actually got to know me, like past therapists, but I never believed them. I thought I was just trash. Destined for life in a hospital eventually. It feels really really freaky actually letting it touch my soul.
Like when you were a kid did you ever say that "I'm rubber and your glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you". Yep that's exactly what happened about positive feedback before. It bounced off me and I'm not exactly sure where it stuck, but it wasn't near me at all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Didgee Eeyou
Wow. This is one of the most touching posts I have read on PC. You are a success story and a hard worker.
I am happy that you did not end up in some state psychiatric hospital.
Did you discover you had DID on your own?
I went through a similar ordeal. The doctors had no clue what my problem was. Many different diagnoses were given, but none of them fit. (Psychotic Disorder NOS, schizophrenia, psychotic depression, bipolar II, cyclothymia, dysthymia, anxiety disorder, and borderline personality disorder) It was very frustrating, because I knew, I did not have any of these disorders, except for the dysthymia and anxiety. I read all I could and even questioned everything about me. My extensive research confirmed that I was right. It kept me going. I knew someday, I would find "the answer."
Once, I received the correct diagnosis, Asperger Syndrome, everything changed. It was the first label that fit me 100% and it explained all my life long challenges, and feelings. (So many doctors back then thought I was autistic but were blinded by the the need to explain my problems with an Axis 1 disorder.) Suddenly, people started listening to me and looking at me differently. I was no longer considered lazy, unmotivated and so forth. It has been the greatest relief I have ever felt.
This experience has taught me to never let anyone tell me who I am and to question everything.
Patients/clients do know a lot. Doctors need to listen to what we are really saying. We know ourselves best.
|
Uhmm I sort of already knew. But I just sort of kept my mouth shut the whole way until the end about it, because I didn't think anyone would believe me and I didn't want to mess up the results. I already had PTSD and it was really bad, like flashbacks and stuff, so I ended up getting sent to a trauma unit, where they had a doctor who specializes in DID. They did an extensive history on me and apparently I was diagnosed with it years prior and nobody ever knew about it. As soon as that was caught and it was treated I stopped being the girl who appeared to be possessed by demons.
I'm glad you figured out your aspergers... they always tend to lean towards an axis 1 diagnosis.