Welcome to PC! Sorry you are struggling. You have landed in a place that understands where you're coming from.
You do not sound pathetic & shouldn't feel bad about something you can't help. By all means, you are not alone.
I know first hand, panic attacks, in & of themselves will not kill you.
But just in case, have you had a physical lately? Would you consider seeing your school counselor. Therapy is free at Uni & might help with some of the issues you speak of. Outside of boyfriend, would you feel comfortable telling your family or a close friend?
I am not new to PC but sort of new to this Depression forum. It seems to be pretty busy/full so it's easy for a thread to get "buried". Please don't let this get to you, make up another title for it & try again.

Glad you're here & keep posting.
Don't give up.