Thanks. Both of you. Anyhow, continuing from my last post, I dislike being alone with a male in a room. If one of my male teachers asks me to stay behind or such, I grow distrusting and can't wait to get out. I am also suspicious of people giving me compliments. I think that they're just trying to fool me, and than later talk behind my back. I am also suspicious of compliments/people doing nice things for me because I think that they want something in return.

I used to have nightmares of that man. They are less frequent now, thankfully. I can think about the abuse without any emotion. Or I feel icky. I get anxious or mad for no apparent reason, then the feelings pass. My flashbacks tend to be more emotional in nature. I remember a few weeks ago I was having a ton of flashbacks.

Around 2nd or 3rd grade, maybe before that, I noticed that my surrounding seemed distant and foggy. My life felt unreal. That feeling is still there, and it extended into my body feeling foreign to me. I often have a hard time knowing if I actually did something, or if I just thought I did.

I am a bit afraid of my mom but I don't really respect her. She "discipline" me, so I should be thankful for it. I should respect because she is the parent. Even if she doesn't act like one and she often throws tantrums when things don't go her way.

I feel broken, and I feel as if I lack a sense of self. Some days, it feels like I am regressing into a child. It's funny, I am almost an adult, but I don't feel like one.

Well that's it for now. I just needed to get my thoughts out.