Thanks Lee,

I blame myself for most things, that's how I am. I know I sound like I'm defending him and I guess I am to a point. I have pretty much put him in control of just about everything right now as I just can't handle it. Going to work everyday is a struggle. He gets in my business cause it's our business. I've asked him to help me and he is in his own way.

For most of our relationship I've kept all my problems from before bottled up. About 4 or 5 months ago I started having "episodes" for lack of better word. Where I would just completely flip out. I take it all out on him. I've been abusive towards him and I hate it. Some of the worst I don't remember, I blackout a lot of what happens. Most all of the problems are/were caused by my parents. Fortunately he knows that and is working with me to get better. He wants me to stand up for myself and if my father is lying to me about sending something in the mail he wants me to tell him enough is enough. I've never stood up for myself before until recently with my mother. This is all new for me.

He can't call my dad. They have a worse relationship than my dad and myself. He handled of lot with my mother, talking to her even. She actually admitted most of tyhe abuse to him, not me, and reasoned it all out for him. He hates that he even talked to her about it.

As far as living with him. Yes I/we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Things are great once we are healed.