I'm sorry that this thread/topic seems to be triggering, or hot-button, for people. I didn't intend that .... and I confess, I feel sort of confused/bemused by how things have gone. I deeply value the support and care/concern and love and all the constructive thoughts/advice I've gotten about this, but a part of me is still like, is this really how people see my situation, and is it really like that?!
When I first posted about this stuff, I really sort of expected to hear some things about how I was probably having some cognitive distortions about it all, that I was being dramatic and needed more balance or a different perspective .... well, I guess I've gotten a different perspective, all right!
And I also feel limited in some senses in trying to express myself now, at least where this more personal topic is concerned, especially thinking that H may very well feel that he has the right to keep reading my stuff, even though I expressly asked him to NOT do so and told him that I DO have the right to privacy, to have certain boundaries (and the marriage T said that a couple months ago, too, that even in marriage, people have the right to have boundaries and have certain things/thoughts private, and it doesn't mean there's something shameful being hidden or that it's deceptive to leave some things hidden/private ..... )
Anyway, I am doing the best I can to find my way in all this and to have a balanced perspective/approach, make compromises necessary for peace and yet not lose my self, my authenticity in it .... thank you all for the support and the love.