Oh I just wanted to add... I never blamed anyone for the mistakes I have made in life.. I always took the blame, being having a baby at 15 to marrying abusive men... I never blamed the past on anyone... But since I have learned I was raised in a violent home environment and molested as a child, i can understand the pattern I was following all my life, without even knowing I was making bad choices...

An example .. I didn't do the "therapy" until I crashed and separated from husband... k.................prior to therapy, I didn't understand why I always ended up with abusive men...and the sad thing is, i have created the same "adult home" environment that I lived as a child and I never even once knew that... but therapy did open a few doors...I had to ask my brothers and sister what home life was like growing up... what they told me... is exactly what i created as an adult in my marriages......and that being violence..... Again I do not recall the violence growing up... my brothers and sister told me about the violence ..I am surprised my parents didn't kill each other... sooooooooo I understand the pattern .... I can thank therapy for that ... Just to say again, I have never blamed my problems/mistakes on my past... But I can say I understand why I made the choices that i did...

And being molested as a child, the other side of my growing up... I can understand why I freeze in bed with men and have not had the "normal" experiences a woman should have..... and feeling dirty...... shameful.. ugly... worthless..bad..hating my body... never feeling good enough...lacking self confidence...living in a bubble.. just looking out.. never believing that good things I would ever be worthy of.... .. I understand where these feelings comes from... I am not blaming anyone... Understanding is more important to me than blaming... But I am not all that happy that life was so harsh and cold as a child........