Hugs to you Carly. I know what it feels like to not want to accept help.

For me, accepting help meant that I was worth it. It meant that I was "good enough" for someone to care about. That scared me - that someone cared about me enough to push me into getting help.

I can say, from personal experience, that part of not wanting to accept the help that your T is sending you to is the voice of your eating disorder. When I first was diagnosed with an ed I was in extreme denial. I refused to believe something was wrong, even though I knew there was a big problem. That was my denial. That was my ed speaking. At one point it got so bad that it was suggested I go inpatient, and I refused. However, it scared me enough to finally let my team help me. It scared me enough to tell the ed voice to shut-up, and for the denial to start melting.

I still struggle daily, but because I now know that my team truly does care about me, I can let them help. I may not care about myself right now, but I care about them, and they care about me. I'll let them care about me until I can learn to care about myself.

It's a frustrating circular process, just don't give up! You are worth it!