There is hope, I used x-acto knives years ago. I even had a blade in my shoe when I was admitted to the hospital and they never even found it. After a week, I just gave it to them and told them how stupid they were. LOL. I have not harmed myself in about 10 years now. I am not gonna say I haven't thought about though. I didn't want to hurt my kids by them knowing I did this. I tried to put focus on others to try to take it off of my personal pain. I have grown through all of this, but it is not easy to get through. Therapy, and finding new ways of coping are invaluble. Sorry that you are going through this pain.