Again, sorry for posting so much but I'm still in a undecided state. I am taking time away from my bf and promised to give myself space to decide if he's the one. Not texting or calling, but the no texting didn't last long.

I miss him. The question is do I miss him as a friend or as a lover?

Since I have been taking a break, he has donated his half marathon medal to a girl who is dying of cancer ( she is the reason why he runs and he does all this fundraising). I mean geeze - how unbelievable is that?

He's so supportive and perfect. So what the hell is holding me back? I haven't talked to him on the phone or seen him in person since Sunday last week. I miss him. He's the first person I text in the morning and the last person at night. I wonder what he is doing and how he is. Tomorrow he's going to this tag sale place that I love to go to...I wish I could go with him. On Tuesday I found out our library is doing a lecture on a local historical site where we usually hike - its definitely something I'd love to invite him to.

I'm just not quite sure how to I ferret my feelings....

My mom thinks I should know if he's the one by now - after a year. If its not there, then maybe it's just that we were meant to be friends, she says. I really just don't know. I miss him a lot.