My gut is telling me that you are in a rough place and maybe think specific attention will make it better. And I don't want to sound judgemental because I've been to that place. This forum is probably a good place to look for support and understanding right now, but I wouldn't bet on getting what you want right now from your bf.

This might be one of those serenity prayer moments. I am not religious, or even really spiritual and I'm not an alcoholic but there is some really helpful wisdom in the serenity prayer and I think it pertains to mental health.

so maybe time to take stock of what you can change, what you can't and how to tell the difference?