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This may sound strange and this is no way completely true of you or your situation. I wouldn’t know and am only going by what you have posted; even then this is more what I do to myself personally. However have you ever heard someone say this, as much as it hurts you to receive hurt, it’s almost real and acceptable for yourself. Therefore you allow yourself to be and stay around situations that reflect hurt upon you or may lead to your own hurt. Not intentionally but you are naturally draw to those people or situations because you believe they are the only circumstance acceptable for yourself. Therefore you end up in a cycle resulting in you strengthening beliefs about yourself with evidence you unintentionally sort of set up for yourself.
I can say you can change this. However I don’t know you or your situation, nothing is that easy to change for anyone. Also this would mean nothing being said to you at the moment. The reason this would mean nothing is anything that challenges the hurt you receive you would naturally be deflected and dismiss by yourself again unintentionally. Because it probably has been a long time since you felt any different. When that voice so to speak in your head keeps telling you hurt is all you deserve. There is at the moment no way for the conflicting emotions to be heard or accepted by yourself. Even if they are true, good, kind, helpful it’s hard to allow these to be heard by yourself in the way you once would have taken comments like these. If only words could sort out a lot of emotional and mental health problems then we all would be able to function as we would like. However some when you can allow good things either people have said or the way they reacted towards you to come in and show as evidence you are NOT deserving of hurt.
Of course the way to go about changing this is different from person to person but one day some when in your life you can make changes. Hopefully you will see that you are worthy of being cared and given the same emotional respect back from others. There are many therapies and I can’t say which one would be of help to you. But there is nothing to lose by having some therapy because either you will learn to change and see another side of yourself or it would have done nothing and therefor you were right to begin with. So if you think of it that way, what do you have to lose? Surely it would be better to give it another go if you already been down that route then to say with these emotions day after day. Hopefully you will see the way you see yourself at the moment is not true of you. You can allow yourself to be around people who treat you as they should with kindness and compassion. I am sorry if I have been insensitive and not helpful with my post. Please remember this is just my view from another person just trying to figure it out just as much themselves. Wish you all the best.
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