I understand how you feel. I have a severe bipolar disorder and I have been chronically ill for nine years. I lost my business I worked so hard for and I lost my community. I really lost everything. I suffer from severe chronic migraines and fibromyalgia. I am often in severe pain. The doctors and neurologists have run out of ideas. I've tried every drug combination and nothing works. I live for my children. I have few friends that live with the suicide of one of their parents. It had an impact on them that has haunted them their whole lives. I am blessed with the sweetest most loving children. My seven year old daughter often curls up in my arms and kisses my nose. She tells me how much she loves me and thanks me for bringing her into this world. I hang on for her and my adult son. It's hard. I cling to my safety plan and check into the psych ward when I'm in danger. There is always a chance that things will change. Medical science is experiencing big breakthroughs in nanotechnology that could help these conditions. I watched a documentary about it recently. I know it's hard when the pain is relentless and the quality of life is so diminished it hardly seems worth it to go on. When you have children I think it is important to consider every option. Our lives have such a profound impact on our children. I hope you make it to the pain clinic and find support and love. I was completely alone in my suffering until a year ago. Having someone care about me has made a big difference. Things change. Even in my condition I found someone to love me. With medical breakthroughs on the horizon and the potential for your situation to change I hope you find the strength to go on. Is life really over? I keep searching for the life thread. The darkness is thick and suffocating. The pain is overwhelming. I can sense the a thread shimmering in the darkness. Sometimes it is the voice of my daughter and her simple joy in life. For a moment I can live vicariously through her.