No need to apologize, nightsky. Do what you need to do and I myself apologize for bringing up details that need to be left out of the forum. (Unintentional, but I'm still sorry.)

Setting aside whatever happened in the past, focusing on just what you have posted recently: what your T has been saying to you and how he has been responding to you remind me of things my H and my T have both done when the following has happened:

1. They did something hurtful that was kind of dumb and kind of foreseeable and really preventable, but
2. I am really quite ready to forgive them, however
3. while they are willing to admit that what they DID was hurtful, they don't want to deal with the consequences of the actual hurt -- whether it's betrayed trust or emotional confusion or adding distance or whatever.

The whole thing would thus become extremely draining for me, as I found myself pushing someone I loved to hear me out about how hurt I was and how that hurt wasn't going to go away without some kind of processing, and that is EXHAUSTING. It would also be surreal and really just very sad because I WANTED it to be resolved, and I was doing everything I could, trying to get them to just listen to me and internalize the things I/we needed to move forward instead of treading water.

I'm also very familiar with the, "Yeah, I guess this is over, so if you want to leave, I won't stop you -- wait don't go I love you!"

So I think I can empathize with a lot of your confusion and bewilderment and sadness and anger and feelings of "WTF?". In a way it doesn't matter what he did or who did what because you're ready to move forward, and you're working really hard, and it seems like he's working really hard -- but working really hard doesn't always mean doing what's best, and I'm not sure he's really doing what's best. It reminds me of what a teacher once told me about studying. "If you study the spelling of 'nice' as 'g-n-i-c-e', you can study that as hard as you want, but you still won't be able to spell 'nice'."

Good luck nightsky